The bat resting on the right leg, the left hand cleans out the sweat from the eyebrows, the right hand fixes the left glove first then vice-versa. The twitch is following with a quick circling of the arm as he bends down, both eyes on the ground, before they stare at the target. A length ball around off, down comes the bat , tonk, and the eyes watch the ball soar over long on. There is a twirl with the bat, the crowd erupts as India have won the World Cup after 28 years, but in that moment, I lived the silence before that hit. Yuvraj Singh hugged MS Dhoni, but by then, plenty of Indian fans were there in that moment, a moment to cherish forever.
It is not easy to tell what Dhoni has been to me. When you grow up in a family which is high on orthodox values and stereotyped approaches, it becomes hard to break the mould. I would stammer my way into high school, around 2004 when I would never be confident of myself, would look for support to make me feel good. Validate my existence.
Cricket was just a game then for me before a man got run out and I felt so bad for him. I knew little about him, we would only get newspapers and there would never be enough mention about him for me to read. But I felt myself, struggling like him, to score anything in his first series.
When India played Pakistan, I was travelling with Dad. I saw this guy coming out to bat at 3 and I felt as nervous as giving an exam. Yeah, I felt similar for Sachin, Dravid but this felt personal. There are some people with whom, you just connect. It’s a vibe. That 148 not out filled me with so much joy and pride. It is silly how the game at times fills you with confidence, good mood, you can take on the world.
Every game was followed then. We would get SMS alerts that could cost what I would get to use for a month but I would ensure I get the 30rs pack for the month for cricket messages. Slowly, the real world didn’t matter to me, I was too busy tracking the progress and passion of a guy who seemed to have the aggression like I wished to have and was smacking the ball.
Life was suddenly more cheerful, I no longer needed friends to be around. Watching highlights on news channel was my past time. And then the T20 World Cup came, they won, I was there along the crowd who welcomed the team home and walked right through the city, through the day with them. I had never done anything like that before, for anything, for anyone. When the felicitation was done, I got to meet the entire squad. Shook hands with everyone, it would be maximum 2 seconds with MS but that handshake was enough for me. I found a friend.
It was from 2008 that I began to grow under this friendship. I would notice how the man who swatted, lifted bowlers over covers began to find less risky options to score and found them in time to ensure he would dominate the ICC Rankings for two years. From a guy who could butcher the ball to someone who would set it up with his patience and then knock the bowler off when they both were under the same pressure. It made me realize how to control my life. How to understand life situations and how to find that time to give me time to set things right before going for the finish.
2010 at Dharamshala against Irfan Pathan was when I first saw him lose his cool. It was a lesson, you can achieve things if you want them but you need to be ahead of the guy at the other end. There is a lot at stake many times but most of the times we lose the battle in gathering the courage to fight it than actually fighting it.
The biggest issues in my life, not having enough confidence, came as I saw Dhoni evolve as a player. I always feared the big stage but the way I would see MS marshal his troops in the CB series final, how the no-celebration was intentional, how he was bold enough to risk giving Joginder an over, it taught me the biggest lesson – you should not refraining from trying, fearing the result, as long as you know why you did what you did, the result is immaterial since it will only help you prepare better for the next such challenge.
From a guy who would stammer in wake of low confidence, I was now someone who was starting to know himself more. My personal life was not that smooth in terms of my relationship with my now -wife, then-girlfriend. Dhoni’s impact was such that to me, everything was now like a situation in a game and I would think how he would to solve it.
It was so surprising for me how I liked the personality of MS more than the batsman. I enjoyed how he would get things done from the most unlikely people in such a fine manner. To me, he was a friend who was teaching me every match day, as to how I should live my life in the moment. Don’t think too far, don’t dwell on the past, just think of the next move, learn from the present.
Winning the trophy and handing it over to the youngest guy in the squad, never being one to hog the limelight were all vital lessons in ensuring I remember how one should play for the side. The Test losses away was also a reminder that at times, we may not be best equipped with what life may throw at us but we must fight. Remember he was one of the best performing batters in the 2014 Test series in England.
The most satisfying aspect of following Dhoni as a batsman was that you knew he would not just throw his wicket away in need of runs, or wanting to dominate a bowler. He always knew what he had to do to ensure he stayed in the game and the game was alive. And that’s so vital for us to learn in life. We often forget that we have more time than we think and make decisions in a haste.
It is through this lens then since 2015 that I have grown from being a shy kid to someone who does not fear expressing his opinion in my personal life. Happy to take feedback but more than confident enough to call something out that was wrong.
2018 was another such moment. It was the first time I got to be at a venue covering the game for a company. I saw all games at Wankhede but the one against Hyderabad in the playoff was special and most memorable.
Faf du Plessis took Chennai through to the finals, the entire dugout was losing their minds celebrating another entry into the final and here was my hero, just clapping on a job well done. It told me how to not let things get to your head, how treating both results equally is far more important than chasing only winning.
I talked about the silence in the first paragraph of this article, I am feeling it right now when I know I won’t see MS in the blue anymore and I have felt it only one more time. During that six off Lockie Ferguson in the World-Cup Semi-final.
Dhoni’s cricketing life was all about taking calculated risks, but just like his first and last dismissal in India colors, the risk didn’t work in his favour. When he walked back to the pavilion, teary-eyed, by the time he reached the dressing room, I was already there. Feeling that lonely walk back with him.
There are people who troll him online for his intent, leaves and what not. There is nothing wrong in it, it’s just that you have seen only the downside of a legend while we were lucky enough to see the side of him which spoiled us into thinking MS would always do it at the end. Every time he didn’t finish the game, I have sleepless nights wondering how he would be thinking only to then realize that the game was over for him the moment he lost. It’s important to move on, learn, grow, every single day!
Yes, Dhoni will be back in yellow for a few seasons and it would be great to learn more from the big man but it was in blue that he made the biggest impact in my life. He taught me to not worry about the result, take chances in life and always give your best to the process and most importantly believe that you can do anything if you wish to.
Thank you MS Dhoni, thank you for shaping my life. No matter what I do, where I end up in life, your lessons are always going to be my first line of thought.
Well of course! – if I have to say it in your words.
criccrazyniks 
By far the best article on Mahi I have read. And one of the rare people with whose writing I can completely connect.
Thank you so much!
Being a genuine MS Dhoni fan who doesn’t let go of any opportunity of reading about/listening to/watching him, I have to say that this is one of the most beautifully written pieces about the legend that I have come across. Very authentic and moving, could relate on a totally different level. Thank you.